a blog about men and women
We men pride ourselves in keeping shape (round is a shape) by going to the gym. After a nice hard workout, we like nothing better then crashing on the couch in front of the big screen plasma TV and drinking a cold beer. But often we are told to “get off the couch, you stink!” The next time she says that, explain to her, “but honey, the pheromones in my sweat are what made you fall in love with me!” This is proven by a study done by researchers at Monell Chemical Senses Centre in Philadelphia that found: “women are attracted to chemicals in a man’s underarm smell that can make her decide if you are the one for her.”
Sorry for the lack of posts on the site. I have been on vacation, but I’m back and will be posting new stuff this week. Thanks for your support!
-Me
Well, the day you dreaded is finally here, opening day of another chick flick (i.e. Sex and The City). As horrific as listening to Celion Dion, having to go to the store and buy your chick some tampons and having to call her loving pet names like sugar bear, honey buns and snuggle poop in front of your friends, you are locked into watching the mother of all chick flicks. You’ve already endured hours and hours of watching the box set of Sex and The City with your girlfriend (involuntarily of course) and when you heard the movie was coming out, you tried every trick in the book to not have to see it with her. If the BAL, (ball and chain) is dragging you to see it this weekend, have no fear. Follow the tips below from eHow.com and with a little luck, you may get out of having to see it.
7. Suggest she goes with some of her girlfriends or gay male friends.
6. Buy one ticket for her movie and one for your movie.
5. “Accidentally” drive to the wrong theater.
4. Buy out all the tickets online for the screening she wants to see, then buy two tickets for the movie you want to see. Apologize that her movie is sold out and go see yours. If it’s a rental, call ahead and reserve the film for someone else.
3. Pretend to be extremely ill or “sprain” your ankle on the way to the theater. Hobble for a few hours if necessary.
2. Plan a romantic dinner at her favorite restaurant instead of the movie. Then forget to make reservations and go to the nearest sports bar.
1. Tell her that you heard Jessica Alba makes a cameo and you’re really excited to see it. Women hate Jessica Alba.
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Throughout history The “Man” has screwed us over time after time. Working for the “Man” has always taken up all our precious time, crushed all our hopes and dreams, underpaid and under appreciated us, but we have alway gone back to him, afraid of biting the hand that feeds us. But today, the man has gone way too far. The results of recent study has given us men the ultimate reason to finally quit our stressful and unrewarding jobs. The study found that work related stress is a major cause of Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and is associated with low testosterone levels!!! (For the record this study doesn’t really have any relevance to me because I really don’t care much about work or stress out over it and I know my male parts are working great because I “takes cares of bidness in da bedroom” if you know what I’m saying. No, seriously, I mean it.) The article goes on to say,
““Work-place stress clearly has a strong impact on the incidence of ED in men. Men should think about the underlying cause of their ED, including how to combat their stress levels; not staying too late at work, a balanced and healthy diet, and regular exercise.”
If the fear of ED is not a big enough reason to quit your lousy job, I don’t know what is. So men, lets revolt against the “man”, quit our jobs to follow our true dreams and go home and have crazy buck wild sex with our ladies!
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My girlfriend constantly nags me to do more chores around the house (”Do the dishes!”, “Wash the dogs!”, “Blah, Blah, Blah!”). I constantly nag her for sex (”Babe, I’m horny!”). Who would have thought that the two activities were actually related? Apparently, when men participate in domestic tasks like sweeping the floor, women feel much more sexy and find the man much more attractive! This is according to an article on CNN.com which states,
“…more equitable division of household duties may lead to more intimacy in the bedroom….When a man does housework, it feels to the woman like an expression of caring and concern, which then physically reduces her stress…A guy can be completely stressed out and want to have sex to burn it off, but women are not wired like that…Instead, he says, women need to feel relaxed in order to feel sexy — and it’s hard to unwind when there are chores to be done and a husband who’s oblivious to them.”
Wow! If my girlfriend would have told me this years ago, I’d be a lean mean cleaning sex machine! But to the ladies out there, if you want your man to clean more, but don’t necessarily want to play flog the dolphin with him, here are some tips from Joshua Coleman, author of “Lazy Husband”:
• Don’t be a gatekeeper: Partners who aren’t micromanaged tend to contribute more.
• Don’t send mixed messages: A woman may telegraph ambivalence by asking her partner to help, but then tell him he’s doing the task all wrong. Or she may not ask him to help at all, then become angry that she has to do everything herself.
• Be assertive: Insist on an equitable division of labor if he won’t take initiative. Say something like, “You agreed if I cooked, that you’d clean. You haven’t done that yet, so can you do it now or tell me when you will?” Or, “I feel I have too much on my shoulders. What can you agree to do?”
• Communicate productively: “You’re never going to get your husband to do more if you walk around broadcasting blame and shame,” Coleman says. Approach your partner with affection, keep the conversation brief and to the point, and use language that doesn’t veer toward criticism.
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The other day I was on the bed watching TV and my girlfriend came behind me and said, “Don’t move! You’ve got a nice juicy one ready to explode!” She pinches my cheek with her thumbs and POP! She has popped another one of my pimples. Why do women like popping the zits of their boyfriend or husband? I know that my girlfriend is not alone in regards to this odd behavior because I have done extensive research on the topic and found that this is a fairly common thing. Like Bush looking for more oil in other countries, she’s always on the look out for the next gusher. It is a very odd activity to enjoy not to mention, gross, somewhat annoying and can sometimes be very painful. Not only that, but there are many side affects to popping zits according to MSN Health,
“Popping even the ripest zit is generally discouraged, especially since this bit of home surgery seldom takes place in a sterile environment. Definitely don’t try to squeeze one that hasn’t come to the surface (known as a cyst). If it doesn’t pop, the pressure can cause the pocket of pus to rupture beneath the surface, spreading bacteria inside your skin and causing more inflammations to form and erupt. And if it does pop, all the zit juice will be out, but the spot will be red and bloodied from having pierced the skin. In addition to spreading the infection, this can lead to scarring.”
So to the ladies that enjoy partaking in the pimple popping palooza, on behalf of all boyfriends and husbands around the world, please have mercy on us and stop popping our pimples! If you do that, then maybe we’ll reduce asking for sex to three times a day. Read the rest of this entry »
We recieved the first review of our site from OurBlogReview.com. Check out what they said,
“Honey Dew This is a blog all about the authors life experiences, mainly his experiences of women and all with a humorous slant. Despite being a woman myself, I still found the articles funny! They were well written with great photographs. There were very advertisements and the site design was very clean and neat.”
Don’t forget to comment on our site and forward us on to your friends!
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Females are a unique creature in the animal kingdom due to the fact that they have the extraordinary ability to create reasons to justify any decision they make, despite the decision being negative in nature. For example, a women deep in debt can walk into Nordstrom’s (the mecca of shoes apparently) and purchase a pair of uncomfortable $500 Manolo Blahnik stilettos that only match one of her outfits. Her justification? “It’s ok because they were on sale and used to cost $1200, plus if I use them twice then they only really cost $250.” A more extreme, yet common example of this ability is when a female elects to stay with her boyfriend after discovering his affair with her best friend. Her reason for following this course of action? “It’s ok because he said it was an accident and my best friend and I share everything anyway.” This skill is also used collectively in female dominated pow wows. During these gatherings, they will come up with reasons to justify anything for their fellow females, which often go to tune of, “I’m glad you dumped your handsome, faithful and successful boyfriend that you’re in love with. He was a jerk anyway, girlfriend!” and “Don’t worry about sleeping with him on the first date, you’re too pretty to be considered easy.” Similar to when an ostrich plants its head in the sand when frightened, it may seem bizarre to those lacking this genetic trait. But to a female, it is a perfectly normal and effective tool in aiding her in making difficult decisions and making them comfortable with the decisions they’ve already made.
Men think about sex every seven seconds. It’s true! When we watch TV, we think of sex. When we go to the grocery store, we think of sex. When we’re getting a root canal done, sex! (I just thought about sex about 32 times while writing this sentence.) Scientists say that we only use about 10% our brain. For men, I say the other 90% is devoted to sex. But while women may complain that men think about doing the dirty deed way too often, there is one thing that women think of just as frequently, SHOPPING! A survey conducted by cosmopolitan.co.uk found that 74% of women thought about shopping every minute! A psychologist at the University of Glamorgan reviewed the survey and went on to say,
“’so many women displaying this level of preoccupation, thinking about something once a minute, would indicate widespread addictive behavior with regard to shopping”
The survey also discovered that women preferred shopping alone because they did not want the distraction of their husband or partner constantly consulting their watch. In an effort to bring men and women together and more aligned in the thoughts that consume their minds, couples should focus on having sex while shopping. So the next time you think about sex and she’s thinking about shopping, jump online and let her shop till she drops while you two do the nasty.
