Sorry for the lack of posts on the site. I have been on vacation, but I’m back and will be posting new stuff this week. Thanks for your support!
-Me
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Out in the wild, women are genetically programmed to travel in packs or groups, not unlike cats and tigers. This provides women safety in numbers, companionship during social events and someone to hold their hair back in the bathroom after an extended night of drinking. But women don’t just join any group, there are many complex universally known rules that they abide by when selecting a group to join or when allowing a new female to join an existing group. For example, whether or not they share the same taste in fashion (women have an ancient tradition of shopping in each others closets, which helps build bonds and their own clothing selection). But one of the most important and more interesting requirements for women to be included in a group is whether or not the women have similar levels of attractiveness. The reason for this is that women are very competitive creatures (some say catty) and belonging to a group with similar attractiveness limits cat fights during mating and dating situations. That is why when one studies women in their natural habitat for example, a dance club, we can easily see the division between groups. The Forever 21 miniskirt wearing women stand apart from the Louis Vuitton carrying three carat minimum loving females who stand opposite from the big booty Apple Bottom shorts wearing group and the short haired nature loving Subaru driving women. Further evidence of rule is seen in a study done by Bleske-Rechek at University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire that showed
“Women tend to be biased toward female friends of similar attractiveness….When one woman is prettier than the other in a platonic pairing, the resulting mating rivalries often come at too high a cost for the friendship to thrive.”
“There’s this double-edged sword where presumably you want friends who will facilitate your mating pursuits - you want them to be kind of attractive,” says Bleske-Rechek. “But you also don’t want them to get in your way by being too attractive and taking all the attention away.”
These rules and organizational structures are necessary to keep equilibrium within groups and between women in general. But if one is inclined to watch a good ole’ cat fight, you now know what to do.
We were driving to a friends place for a dinner party one night, but we were slightly off course (she called it “lost”). It was approaching 7pm, which was about when the party was supposed to begin. I assured her that we would get there just in time and that “the area looked familiar and we were not lost.” I also added, “Even if we were a little late, it’s not a big deal.” Unfortunately she didn’t view it that way. She turned to me and gave the “evil eye” and began going on and on about how I should have just asked for directions and that we were going to be viewed as rude for arriving late. There I was, calm and relaxed trying to find our way there while she began getting more hot and bothered with each passing minute while further talking about the issue. I didn’t really see why it was a big deal and she couldn’t understand why I “didn’t care”. How can two very compatible people view the same issue so differently? This particular incident is categorized by an article on CNN.com as “Women Make Mountains Out of Molehills.” It goes on to further explain the reason for our conflict in the car that night,
“What you think: Women obsess about every little thing; men seem to have it all under control.
What the experts say: Men are problem-solvers and tend to bring up a problem only in order to search for its solution, says Schwarz. The “eureka” moment of problem-solving increases the level of dopamine, a pleasure-inducing chemical, in the brain. (This also explains why men will wait until it’s absolutely necessary to stop and ask for directions.)
Women relieve stress by talking and relating their problems to others, which produces serotonin, said to enhance moods and ward off depression.”
Now we know the reason men always try to solve women’s problems and why women go on and on about the smallest issues, which is why we always argue, let’s skip to the best part of a fight…..the Make Up Sex!
Just in case you were wondering, we made it just on time to the party. I knew I wasn’t lost!
My girl and I are getting ready to head to a night on the town. Walking back and forth in front of the mirror on her tippy toes (I found that women do this to simulate wearing high heels; why not just put some on? who knows?) she asks the dreaded question, “Do these jeans make my butt look big?” Like a deer caught in headlights, I freeze! She has the hottest body in the world, but she’s wearing that one and only pair of jeans out of the 127 pairs that she owns that would make Kate Moss’s butt look like two over sized Honey Baked Hams. I start to sweat and try not to crack a smile, but the clock is ticking and I have to answer before it’s obvious what I’m thinking. What should I say? If I say “yes”, she’ll think she’s fat. If I say “no” she’ll say, “You’re just saying that so I don’t get mad at you.” What comes first, honesty or my loving girlfriend’s feelings? Well, I still haven’t come up with the perfect answer and I won’t tell you what I said because it didn’t work, but here are the 16 things I KNOW I shouldn’t say from TopFive.com:
16. “Not to Stevie Wonder.”
15. “Big time! That’s why I’m sleeping with your best friend.”
14. “Does this tie make me look stupid?”
13. “No way! You look *least* fat in that outfit!”
12. “I guess there’s not much point in asking if you mean fat with an ‘f’ or phat with a ‘ph.’”
11. “No hablo ingles.”
10. “Yes, but it also makes you look like a pricey hooker, so things balance out.”
9. “No, but taking it *off* sure does.”